yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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