So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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