After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
