Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
