He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
