I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
