Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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