I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
