Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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