$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
