my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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