But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
