I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
