I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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