we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
