i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
