Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
