I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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