you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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