Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
