She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
