He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I need to sanitize my soul.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
