Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
