If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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