We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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