Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
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I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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