He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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