I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
