I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
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then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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