he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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