At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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