so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
