I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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