OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
