she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.