This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
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If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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