I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not