Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
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let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
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You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.