your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
