Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
