so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
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You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
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Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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