FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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