You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
