We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
