You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
