If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
