you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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