I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
