I didn't shave. On purpose
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
barbara walters just said penis...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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