I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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