I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
