i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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