$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
