My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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