I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You work out of a Hotel?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
