So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
