There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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