My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
