Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
