She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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