When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
