dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
