My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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