please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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