is your mom at the bar?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
