Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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