Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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