I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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