Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
