You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
