walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
