I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
