I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
