I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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