Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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