I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
