my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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