do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Randomize
