im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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