she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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