dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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