What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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