I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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