I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
