Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
