Betty ford says i'm here all night
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just google imaged poop.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
