I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
