u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
