Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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