I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
