That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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