your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
