What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
